Near the border, the customs officer comes in a compartment of the train and asks:
- Weapons? Drugs? Money?
- No, thank you. A coffee, please...
A young lady has a pain of teeth. Her lover says to her:
- My dear, I will kiss you and the pain will go away. I'm better than a dentist.
Hearing this, a passerby intervenes:
- Aren't you good for hemorrhoids as well?
The director tells his deputy:
- You're here less than a year but you managed to go through all hierarchical steps from simple worker, till my deputy. Congratulations!
- Thanks, Dad!
In the wedding night, young wife ask her husband:
- What do first, eat or sex?
- Whatever you want, and afterwards eat.
A guy wants to initiate his friend in love secrets:
- How can I tell you ... See those dogs from the street corner, which one over the other. Well, that must make you.
The second day ask his friend:
- Did you do what I say? How was it?
- It was very good. May be it was difficult until I took the corner in the street.
- We found something that allows you to see through walls.
- Very fun! And how is called?
- Congratulations, I hear you're married all your daughters.
- I married only one, but several times.
- You, where you born?
- At the hospital.
- But what you had?
- Oxygen is absolutely necessary for life. It was discovered the past century.
- And how were people live until then?
- What thinks a lion who sees passing a knight in armor?
- Preserved food, again!
- The theory says that, in principle, should work.
- Practice saying it works, but nobody knows why.
- Programmer like theory and practice: it does not work, but I did not know why.
- Garson in my soup there are a fly.
- It will not make trouble, sir, it do not eat much.
- I heard that the teacher gave you a 4.
- What do you want? I could not refuse it.
- Would you like to be a billionaire's wife?
- I want to be his widow.
- Ordinary people think that if something is not broke, why must I repair?
- Engineers believe that if something is not broke, we have enough options.
- Women are more beautiful than men.
- No, artificial.
- The doctor says that I starting to see better ... And I have blind confidence in him.
- Doctor, all time I hear voices.
- And what do you say voices?
- You know... I'm pretty deaf!
- My husband found out that I wrong?
- And what happened?
- I've forgiven.
- Doctor, smoking affects thinking?
- None. Who thinks do not smock.
- Sir, I came to ask your daughter hand.
- The big or the small one?
- But their hands are not the same?
A student there is in the exam and do not well known. The teacher says:
- Do not know yet what's an exam?
- Yes, when two smart people talk to each other.
- And if one is stupid?
- The other does not take the exam.
Graduate in philosophy ask:
- Why it works?
Graduate in engineering ask:
- How it works?
Graduate in accounting ask:
- How much?
Graduate in arts ask:
- Do you want potatoes with your steak?
- John, will you water the garden?.
- But it's raining cats and dogs, sir.
- Well, take the umbrella...
- Waiter, I called you ten times.
- I know, sir.
- And why didn't you come?
- Nine times I haven't heard.
- All those who will run will have awards?
- Only who arrives first.
- And why others run?
- At a wedding, the bride is very happy and she is dressed in a white beautiful dress.
- And why the bridegroom has a black costume?
- What is the difference between a journalist in dictatorship and one in democracy?
- A journalist in the dictatorship can write all he wants, while the journalist in democracy can write and the second day.